You’re probably wondering what the title means by “improvements” and “approach” in this specific context. Well, no two people are alike in how they operate in bed, but there are definitely some general areas that men could stand to improve in. Especially if you’re a man who actively wants to make sure his lover is having twice as much fun as you are during sex. There are many factors that play into improving your approach to sex in terms of pleasing your partner. This article will focus solely on straight relationships, as to keep everything focused. However, played a certain angle, all these can be easily applied to same-sex relationships as well. To wit, if you are in an actively sexual relationship and want to know how you can better please your significant other in the sack, here are the 5 easy improvements to your approach.
If there is any universal rule, it is this: there are few things that will get you in bed with a woman faster than education! Okay, so this may sound like a stretch, but rest assured this is going somewhere. When most men think of sex, they suspect they’ll get it right away on the first try, or maybe the second try. Unless you do your homework, you’ll be lucky to get it on the 14th try. Sex is a skill, and skills take time, practice, and refinement to get it right. Sex covers a lot more topics than you may realize, including but not limited to: STI and pregnancy prevention, sexual health, sexual communication and technique.
The best recommendation that can be given to you, besides just having sex and learning from there, is books. There are plenty of books out there on how you can please your partner effectively. From proper technique depending on position, to the best ways to bring out the female orgasm, if you have a question, there’s an answer out there somewhere.
#2. Learn how she works
Beginners tend to think female sexuality and sex drives work the same as men. This is untrue to a truly staggering degree. Women generally take longer to “get turned on” than men, for one thing. For another, even after you turn her on, it’s going to take a lot more work from you to get her to orgasm than it would be for the other way around. There are exceptions, of course, but this is the generally accepted physiology. The key here is to respect these differences and slowly, methodically learn what makes her tick, and more importantly, what gets her proverbial gears grinding. The biggest upside to this situation is you will know when it’s working. Mostly because she’ll be more than happy to tell you to do what you just did again.
#3. Be flexible in your approach
As was said earlier, no two people are alike, certainly not women. Every woman is unique in their sexuality, and their sexual needs, and what works for one woman may completely turn off another. One woman may shrink at the idea of bringing handcuffs into the bedroom, while another woman may demand it. And what’s especially important is to not compare the woman you’re currently with to the women you were with previously. Not to dismiss past experience as a factor of your overall performance, but you should never directly compare one woman’s sexuality with another’s, especially if you used to date them. Bringing up how your ex loved a certain position or kink is not going to make the woman suddenly love it too, it’s going to make them push you off and stomp out the door. So in short: don’t do that.
#4. Invest in her pleasure, but don’t pressure her
It may be awkward, but there is no downside to just asking your lover straight off what gets them horny. Knowing going in how to please your partner that first time takes so much of the pressure off of both of your shoulders. Simply asking them what drives them wild will do wonders for your closeness and communication. And the other end of the spectrum is true, tell her how much certain actions she does, like her moans, turn you on. Nothing turns a person on quite like confirmation that what they’re doing is working.
Now for the flip side. It’s important to be invested in the pleasure of your lover, but not so much so that they feel obligated or pressured into doing so. Not only will that sink any chances of her actually orgasming, it’ll almost certainly make her uncomfortable. The solution is, again, simple communication. If she’s having trouble orgasming, simply defuse any guilt she may be potentially feeling by saying things like “I can keep going until you tell me to stop” or something else along those lines. That extra bit of empathy will go appreciated.
#5. Take her body anxiety seriously
Put yourself in the shoes of the average woman in America for a moment. Having everything about your personality and appearance nitpicked by a society that tells you that you aren’t good enough, not cute enough, or sexy enough etc. Think of how maddening that must be, and what type of pressure she must feel when in the bedroom. There is no way you can fully understand without being a woman, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t at least help make your partner more comfortable in the bedroom. If you’ve gotten her clothes off and every fiber of your being wants you to say out loud that she’s beautiful, you should. This is one of the most intimate private activities couples can partake in, so you need to make your lover feel like the most gorgeous woman on Earth.
This whole thing can be summed up as “having empathy”, which when you get down to it, is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. The ability to love the flawed human. There are likely other areas you need to improve in physically, but in terms of attitude and perception, these alterations to your approach to sex will help you please your lover on a whole other level.