Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, aka BDSM or S&M, is a fulfilling and exciting lifestyle and culture that is filled with, possibly, the sanest people you’ll ever meet. Including yourself. BDSM is based on consent, respect, love, compassion, planning, and self-discipline. BDSM is an excellent and safe way to experiment with all of the forbidden desires you see in your fantasies, but don’t feel comfortable doing. Note that, if you decide to make it your lifestyle, there is a lot to learn. Here’s a fact, thirty-six percent of American adults incorporate blindfolds, bondage devices, and masks in their sexual play. So, you’re far from alone. All right, let’s get to the six scientifically-proven benefits you’ve been waiting for.
#1 BETTER COMMUNICATION
In comparison to non-BDSM relationships, communication is much clearer. Many non-BDSM relationships discuss their sexual relationship only when problems occur. They don’t prepare for any difficulties, so have no recourse to prevent them. Those in BDSM relationships plan out all events, employ “safe words” to allow the withdrawal of consent at any time in sexual relations and have a clear distinction between the sexual landscape and the non-sexual one. Many couples employ contracts which bound each person to certain behaviors and limitations, for instance when the “safe word” is said by the sub, at any time, the dominant, or Dom, must stop all sexual play. This word is used so the sub can signal they have reached their threshold of sexual stimulation or pain if that is part of the relationship.
It’s important to note that not all BDSM relationships include pain, they may just include bondage or blindfolding. Built on transparency, clear goals, and boundaries, BDSM relationships leave no conversation undiscussed.
#2 GREATER INTIMACY
With events that may include physical pain, such as bondage, flogging, or certain toys, there must be a high degree of trust. While movies show a woman with a whip or a man with some handcuffs, the reality is that much preparation, instructions, and detailed discussion goes into the BDSM activities before starting. If you are thinking of trying any kinky play, research widely and get instructions. If you go in believing it’s just a matter of buying toys and a whip, you may hurt your partner —and not in an arousing way.
The Dom directs the events the activities of sexual play and he/she must be very attuned to the sub’s desires, body language, and triggers. He/she must also know the force of whips, poles, or bondage needed to provide pleasure but not injury, and when he/she must add more stimulation. This is a very big responsibility, requires the iron-clad trust of both partners, and is not to be taken lightly. The sub is completely trusting the Dom with their well-being.
#3 HIGHER RATES OF FIDELITY
Because of the immense emotional space, integrity, trust, and love that is poured into a healthy BDSM or polyamorous relationship, it often dissuades members from cheating. Both are fully invested in the health of the relationship, their partner, and don’t want to risk ruining the safety and trust that has been built, not to mention, maintained.
#4 INCREASED MENTAL HEALTH
In the past, many have thought BDSM was a breeding ground for abuse, rape, or mental disorders, but science has done extensive studies, and it is shown this is not the case. The Journal of Sexual Medicine published a 2013 study that found those who participate in the BDSM lifestyle scored higher on certain mental health aspects. These participants were more secure in the status of their relationships, less neurotic, more forthcoming, had more awareness and sensitivity to rejection, and had better well-being, in general.
This may be due to the fact that BDSM allows you to engage in the desires that truly excite you in a safe, sane, and consensual space where you are with someone you love. There’s no judgment and you can share most, if not all, sexual fantasies, knowing your partner will listen with an open ear. Though, that doesn’t mean every fantasy will be acted out, as it may be too dangerous or your partner is unwilling.
Human skin has millions of receptors which can be stimulated in many different ways, whether through massage, hand-holding, physical sex, playing, hugging, or being flogged with the correct force. When you don’t feel like a sexual deviant you can enjoy truly being yourself and remain present in the sexual encounter with your consenting partner.
#5 LOWER PSYCHOLOGICAL STRESS
Researchers found that people, whether subs or Doms (bottoms and tops), had lower levels of the stress hormone, cortisol after bondage activities were performed. While bottoms (subs) experienced increases in cortisol before being released, they were psychologically relaxed. This may be due to the physical intensity of BDSM combined with no judgment, anxiety, and expectation that usually accompanies sexual relations.
More specifically for men, if a man who participates in BDSM loses his erection or is unable to become erect, he has a huge host of other activities that can stimulate his partner. This lowers a lot of the stress that may be part of men’s experience in non-BDSM relationships.
#6 ANXIETY-REDUCTION
Receiving or giving pain reduces anxiety, even in those who have extreme anxiety surrounding bedroom activities. Pain releases endorphins in order to sooth the discomfort, so promotes well-being. Sadistic-Masochism can change the blood flow in the brain and lead to a feeling that is similar to a “runner’s high” or yoga.
One final thing must be said.
While the books and movies of the Fifty Shades of Grey series made the BDSM community more accessible for those who are or are not curious to join, the events depicted are a misconception of the BDSM lifestyle. The relationship between those two characters is abusive and is a great example of the kind of Dom/human being you shouldn’t be. If you are in a relationship similar to the one depicted in these books/movies, find another. You deserve more.
Have fun and enjoy your fantasies made into reality.
