Becoming a better lover goes beyond sex techniques. When it comes to bed, we thought it’s more on having complete knowledge about sex. It’s because our school doesn’t teach us how to be good lovers. We go into the world of sexuality totally on our own, with all our mishaps and successes and learn most from our mistakes.
We also have this common misconception that a bigger dick gives you an advantage over the others, hence making you the best lover. But this is not always so. Becoming a better lover and a good performer has nothing to do with the size of your package. It has more to do with what you do with what you have. And having more to offer goes a long way.
Here are the secrets you need to know to become the best lover you could ever be.
1. Attentiveness
Being attentive means being totally present with your partner physically and emotionally. Maintaining eye contact during sex is one way of doing it. Be attentive to her and her response. Be totally present with her at the moment. Being attentive means you’re not only focused on your own needs but on her needs as well. You can be more present when you pay more attention to the experience and not rely on your gathered knowledge on how things are to be done correctly in bed. The actual experience can teach you more.
2. Confidence
You don’t have to compare yourself to others when it comes to sexual prowess. You’ll be more confident when you’re more focused on your worth and on what you can offer to your partner. The bedroom isn’t the only place where you can show your true worth. It also extends outside the bedroom, on how you treat her even when you’re not having sex.
Your confidence should stem from your knowledge of yourself, of how generous you can be, fun to be with, how honest and emotionally available. Confidence is when you’re more into the flow, where your mind and body are focused on one thing. Your confidence is likely to get noticed when you’re more at ease with yourself, like when you play sports or have a great workout.
3. Communication
Open communication during sex makes the sexual experience much greater. Communication creates more connectedness. It opens up the way for you to listen to your partner’s needs, wants, and desires. And vice versa.
A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy in 2017 showed that sexual communication leads to more orgasm frequency in women and more sexual satisfaction for both men and women.
Communication is key to letting your partner know what you like and dislike, what you want to try, and how you can please them. Even a few words during sex can work wonders. Your partner will be delighted to hear when you say, “that feels great” or “I love that move”.
4. Good Sleep
Stress can impair your sex drive. Stress, which is always linked to poor sleep quality, can make your sexual performance dive down. It’s because testosterone, the male hormone that plays a crucial role in your sex drive, are produced only when you’re asleep.
When you’re too stressed out, expect your sex drive to plummet quickly. Get enough sleep. If you can aim for 8 hours the better. Avoid the things that can prevent you from falling into sleep immediately like blue light and other distractions. Having a warm bath before bed can also prepare your body for a good night’s sleep.
5. Competence
Being competent in bed isn’t all about having a big dick. There are many ways you can make yourself bigger to please your partner. And it can be as simple as having a big stack of knowledge.
This means you can increase your knowledge in sex by reading books, and by knowing what really turns on a woman and what turns her off. Asking your partner is also one way of getting more knowledge of every sexual experience.
Women respond to stimulation much differently. So, you can’t expect that your knowledge of having a mastery of one technique or skill will work to every woman you may encounter.
6. Arousal Expertise
Be the expert when it comes to your own sexual arousal arch. You have to be able to specifically point out what turns you on, what makes you climax easier, and what kind of speed, pressure, and sensations that make you feel sexually satisfied. Or whether or not you have sexual fantasies that you want to try.
The point is to know yourself more when it comes to your sexuality. When you know your needs and desires, it would be easier for you to communicate them to your partner. This encourages your partner to open up about her expectations too.
7. Receptivity
While it makes you feel manly to give your partner the greatest sex of her life, you also need to be receptive when your partner extends extra effort to do what pleases you. Learn to be appreciative of her efforts.
Try also to express what you want or would like to request, like a massage or whatever feels good for you. This not only enhances your communication but is also a way of knowing what she can or can’t do. Respecting the boundaries of each other strengthens your relationship and intimacy.
8. Exercise
Oops, you shouldn’t be doing pushups on bed, not unless she requests you to. What we mean by exercise is that you truly have to make yourself fit to become the best lover she could ever have. The benefits of exercise are not only limited by what we see physically.
Good exercise routines also work in your body’s chemical processes. They can boost your mood, increase the production of testosterone, prime the muscles that are often used during sex like abs, forearms, and lower back. And most importantly, exercise gives you the energy to last longer in bed.
9. Sex Muscles
No, you don’t have muscles that are solely used for sex, but you do have muscles that play a big part during sex. These muscles include forearm, pelvic floor, lower back, and abs. What you need to do is tune up these muscles and put them in good condition for a better sex performance.
Most often, the pelvic floor muscles get neglected. Kegel exercises can help strengthen this region. Aside from physical exercise, do some Kegels for stronger orgasms and greater orgasmic control.
